Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize