I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
