Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you will always have a special place in my vag
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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