I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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