Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
