I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
