she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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