just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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