She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
