why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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