Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
