Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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