oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
