Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize