I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
