hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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