i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
