he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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