i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
