It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
