im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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