it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
