She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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