Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
