; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
