I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
