I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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