Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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