I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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