I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
