he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize