remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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