I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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