i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
