I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
