FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
