You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
