one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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