Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just cropdusted the office
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
