I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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