Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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