when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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