He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
