There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
