he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize