My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
