I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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