Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
