It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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