I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
