It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
