is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
