omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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