I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
