Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Gay?
German.
Pity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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