I CAN MOONWALK!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
