happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
