I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
