It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
