hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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