I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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