you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize