drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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