Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
