my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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