i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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