Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
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