Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
