if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize