thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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