Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
