just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
