I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
