I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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