do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
