Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
