Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
