I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
