Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Randomize
