I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
