this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
