Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
