3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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