Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
